Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
