i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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