I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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