you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
