this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
