Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
