Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
