first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Will exercising make me less horny?
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