I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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