"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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