He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
