Plan B is the new Plan A
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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