apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
