Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are the jesus of drinking
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
