im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
