I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
