it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
