I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
