I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
