ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
