thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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