my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
