When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
