How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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