Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
