On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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