you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
