I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
