I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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