Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
