she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
