Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
