apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
