I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
