My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
