He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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