if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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