Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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