haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
