I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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