Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
