My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
