Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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