my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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