She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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