this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
there is glitter all over my balls
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