Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
