this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
