Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
