genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The uberlube is also flammable
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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