Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love having hate sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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